I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
