the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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