Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
