He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
