the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
