Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize