Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
