tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
