White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize