Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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