Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
