im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
