the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
