yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
