He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
don't judge my taste in strippers
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
