Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize