Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
