I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
