At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
