i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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