I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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