oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
