hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
