you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
