This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
