Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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