so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
