I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
