The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
