I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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