let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
