i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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