We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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