his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
