No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
