I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
