I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
