You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize