she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
