im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
