i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
