I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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