Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
