i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
