The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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