hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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