Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
