They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
