Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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