I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
