Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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