my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
