I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
