cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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