the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did I show you my penis last night?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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