I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just had sex on a roof
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
