the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
