I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
