He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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