I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
