Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
