I wanna passion pit in your ass
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
