I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
