he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
