we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
