I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
