I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
