I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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