I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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