Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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