I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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