I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
