he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
