She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Randomize
