Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
