wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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