Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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