Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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