You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
