i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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