i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
