The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
