dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
