i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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