First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
