You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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